I’ve been dealing with a lot of frustration, othering, and hateful comments from people who seem aligned with the transfundamentalist movement, like HBSers and True Transsexuals, and i’m really thinking that perhaps rather than issue walls of invective, maybe what we really need to do is talk.
Like many trans women, i don’t fit the narrow and poorly defined parameters of who qualifies as an HBSer, and this has come with some very specific issues. Because almost all trans-related resources locally are controlled by a support group run by HBSer-identified leadership, there is a great gulf in what happens if you choose not to or cannot fit the HBS framework of who is and isn’t a trans woman. Yes, the Internet offers some workaround, but there’s enough control that people don’t talk and there is often a significant HBSer presence on online fora, too.
I posit that the HBS/True Transsexual mindset is constructed around the idea of “acceptable losses.” This was best evidenced by a commenter on Reddit who once famously opined that “Nobody cares if you die, really nobody cares if an annoying tr**ny doesn’t get hormones because you’re too ugly, stupid, and poor.“ The comment was deleted not soon after, but the poster, a self-identified True Transsexual, had made her point and revealed this agenda of “acceptable losses.”
So, persons of the transfundamentalist bent, i know you read my blog. You leave about six to eight comments a week about how i must be ugly, stupid, a liar, a “transgender” (but you define as a transsexual), and you adore calling me “it” and a “man”. Okay, fine, you’re angry about something, but the problem is that i can’t really tell what that something is. I’ve been told by many that i should just slag HBSers/TTs in general and not even try to engage, but the engagement is already happening. I know you’re reading this, so let’s talk about dialogue.
I know we’re not going to be friends, and i accept that. What i don’t understand is the following short list of things:
- Why can’t we co-exist? There’s plenty of trans women out here in the real world and if we establish common ground we can be stronger. I don’t understand the need to destroy the outlier and dominate spaces…i mean, yeah, i get that that’s human nature, but that’s no excuse. Oppressed groups historically can find common ground. Why can’t we?
- What are you gaining in posting your walls of invective or screaming people out of a support group?
- What does being an HBSer or a True Transsexual mean to you and what delineates the difference between you and i?
- When do you, personally, consider someone to be an “acceptable loss”? Why do you believe this is necessary in trans politics?
What i guess i’m asking is why, since i am expected to tolerate you, can’t your movement tolerate people like, you know, me? I’m just trying to live my life and i don’t understand what the HBSer problem with that is.
the ground rules:
I’ve unbanned all IP addresses banned from commenting in the past, other than IPs that Cathy Brennan has posted from, because, well, Cathy Brennan. I am doing this out of a desire for an open exchange of thoughts and ideas.
Comments are still screened and i reserve the right to decline to unscreen a comment if any of the ground rules aren’t followed:
1. No degendering. This applies to me and everyone else in the conversation, and this includes calling anyone “it” or similar, provided “it” isn’t their preferred pronoun.
2. No racism/misogyny/homophobia/ableism allowed. Sorry, but if there’s some essential difference it shouldn’t spin around sexual orientation or race.
3. When you cite a source, link to the source or cite it completely if it’s not online.
Now…let’s talk. And if you’d rather not comment, or desire a more personal dialogue, i’m willing to listen at inchoaterica (AT) gmail (DOT)com, provided you are willing to abide by the ground rules above. If you’re just going to email to tell me i’m an ugly man…you’ve probably done it 12 times before, i get your assertion.
Now, if only you knew how wrong you were…but maybe that’s for another time.